Conservatives Have Every Right to Be Upset
and we are wrong for judging them so harshly.
Conversations between liberals and conservatives often collapse into shouting, name-calling, and mutual bewilderment where both sides leave convinced the other is mentally disabled. I write this as a liberal (or a leftist, if you are one of those perverts who live in New York City and grow aroused by semantic hairsplitting, as if anyone without a septum piercing knows the difference between the two). But, I digress.
It is easy, almost too easy, to laugh at conservatives and dismiss them as intellectually inferior. But, dear reader, pause. Try, if only for a moment, to stand in their shoes. The conservative mind inhabits a world not shared by you and I, but an entirely separate reality they’ve constructed out of thin air. You must understand that they not only live in this reality, but fully believe this alternate reality is real and not imagined.
In this imagined conservative world, America is not a nation of neighbors but a besieged citadel, its gates battered daily by no less than five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred Mexicans, crashing over the board like an Orcish hoard. The conservative mind imagines these Mexicans pouring across the border as an unstoppable flood, like beer foam spilling over the lip of a frosted mug, or an avalanche tumbling down a mountain, or locusts darkening the sky. And the only thing that frightens them worse than the idea of this stampede of Mexicans coming towards their suburban neighborhood and killing them ‘Mufasa Style’, is the belief that waiting for them across the Rio Grande are Democrats, smiling as they hand out free houses and free health care to every newcomer.
In this imagined world, United Airlines representatives are scouring Detroit and Atlanta for illiterate Black women to place in the cockpit of their planes, offering them jobs without training just to satisfy “diversity quotas.” In that world, public schools are not dull corridors of worksheets and fluorescent lighting but demonic laboratories where algebra teachers no longer teach that y = mx + b but instruct students that white men must be caged and urinated upon by a coalition of Indians and Jews. And in that world, teachers read not Charlotte’s Web but manuals urging their sons to mutilate themselves, to cut off their genitalia, and to become “femboys” who eat ass and swallow cum and get fucked in their ass with cocks, and of course using the remaining cum as lubricant.
It’s frightening, an orgiastic catechism of corruption disguised as civics. This is, sincerely and without irony or hyperbole, the universe they believe they inhabit.
Worst of all, there is an endless slew of shiny objects encouraging to never leave this fantasy land. Fox News, TikTok, Reels, Elon Musk purchasing twitter the list goes on and on.
So they think these things in earnest, and have dishonest grifters telling them these things are true. Now place yourself in their shoes… Would you not also be fearful? Would you not also be angry?
Would you not be mad if Haitian people were eating cats and dogs in your community? Would you not be filled with rage if, every time you turned on your television, you were inundated with commercials of African Americans riding bicycles and eating cheerios, even though you’ve never seen a Black man on a bike that you didn’t assume was stolen? Would you not seethe if you truthfully believed there was a coordinated plot to make men gay, and every time you went to Olive Garden the endless breadsticks forced you to moan if you dared eat them the long way? And would you not be overcome with fury if at that very same Olive Garden, twenty Black teenagers surrounded you, shouting homophobic epithets and yelling “AYO! THIS NIGGA GAY!” simply because you tried to enjoy a breadstick? Dear reader, would you not be upset if your daughter was forced to play basketball against LeBron James? And when he inevitably dunked on her, his penis smacked her like a slice of America cheese on the forehead of a newborn baby that won’t stop crying?
These fears are deranged, yes, but they are sincerely believed. And sincerity, as we know in America, is nine-tenths of legitimacy.
